The Downside of Power
by Isilithix
Summary: With great power, comes great responsibility. With great power, comes great enemies. In most stories, the bad guys don't usually win. In this story, the bad guys succeed in toppling a powerhouse like no other. They leave his mind broken, and insane.
1. Chapter 1

The Downside of Power

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><p>Okay, I am following advice here people; so I'd appreciate that you didn't complain. This is based off of my <em>'The Downside of Power'<em> one-shot/story challenge that is located within the _Idea Tome._ Now, this story is; for those who read the one-shot/challenge, is obviously a humor story. For those of you who don't know…Well, now you do.

I know I've said that when I'm not in a good mood, I can't write humor/happy stories; and that I tend to focus on the darker themed stories and whatnot. Well, the advice I got was _'Just do it. Who knows? Maybe something will change.'_ So, here I am. _If_ this works, and I hope that it does; maybe _Kitty_ and other humor stories will follow?

So, for the most part, this chapter is essentially a Copy-and-Paste of my one-shot/challenge chapter.

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><p>The Downside of Power<p>

Sarutobi Hiruzen sighed as his favorite blonde haired person shoved a paper in his face. He closed his eyes and barely refrained from pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. Opening his old, tired eyes; the Sandaime Hokage looked at the paper. He couldn't help but smile…Inwardly. Outwardly, he frowned.

On the other side of the paper was Uzumaki Naruto, Jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi no Kitsune, a broad smile painted on his face; his own ocean blue eyes closed as he held the paper in his face.

"Naruto-Kun," Hiruzen began calmly; "why are you here? It's not Tuesday." The blonde didn't move as he opened his mouth.

"I drew you a picture, Jiji!" he gleefully explained. "I wanted to show you!"

"I can see that you drew a picture, Naruto-Kun." Hiruzen stated. "But it's Saturday, and Saturdays are one of the busiest days of my work week. Tuesdays are the days we spend together."

"But I wanted to show you today…" the blonde whined, his smile disappearing slightly, cracking his eyes open slightly, pouting. "…You don't like it?" Hiruzen sighed and shook his head.

"I like it, Naruto-Kun…I always like the pictures you draw for me." The blonde's face perked up, a happy, embarrassed blush quickly highlighting his cheeks. "But Saturdays are work days. Tuesdays are the day that we get to play, remember?" The blonde pouted again but nodded slowly. "Where's Ebisu?"

"…I don't know…" The blonde said with a pause. Hiruzen sighed again.

"What did you do to him today, Naruto?" Naruto flinched slightly. He knew that when Hiruzen used his name without a suffix, he wasn't joking or playing around. Just as Naruto began to open his mouth and explain what had happened to his guardian, the doors to his office flew opened violently and the man in question stomped towards them.

"Hokage-Sama!" The man growled as he marched. "Tha-Tha-That _THING,_ owes me a new pair of sunglasses!" his right hand stretched out at Naruto, index finger pointed directly at his tanned, whiskered face.

"What happened now, Ebisu?" Hiruzen deadpanned. The younger man took a deep breath before answering the question.

"Naruto wanted to go outside to play today…" he began; "as we were heading towards the park so he could swing on the swings, we passed a small family owned shop. In the window was a large pack of crayons…180 to be precise." Hiruzen nodded, casting a glance at the tanned skinned blonde who was puckering his lips and looking off to the left, blatantly thinking up some sort of lie no doubt. He turned his attention back to the rambling man who was supposed to be watching the blonde. "He asked if we could go and buy them; and when I said no, he started to throw a fit. I told him that if he continued to act like a six year old, that we wouldn't go for ramen for lunch. As we continued towards the park, I noticed something was off."

"He made a clone, left it with you and stole the crayons…Correct?" Hiruzen asked. Ebisu nodded dumbly. "I'm guessing that you chased after him and he got away…" he pointed at the picture in Naruto's hands and Ebisu blushed brightly, thoroughly embarrassed. "So, tell me something, Ebisu…" the normally shaded man blinked at Hiruzen before gulping. "What happened to your sunglasses?"

"…" the man took several moments to calm down before beginning again. He looked down at the floor and muttered something.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear that." Hiruzen stated calmly. The younger man looked up and glared at the tanned blonde who was still thinking about some sort of lie to tell him.

"…He…He dropped them in a backed up toilet…" Out of the corner of his eyes, Hiruzen could clearly see the blonde to his left scrunch his face up as he snickered.

"…Fine." Hiruzen stated tiredly. "Put it on my tab…" Ebisu looked at Hiruzen stunned.

"Any pair?" he asked. Hiruzen narrowed his eyes.

"If I find out that you bought the most expensive pair you can find, I personally will drop them into a backed up toilet and then force you to wear them. Got it?" the younger man nodded quickly. "You can leave, Ebisu."

"B-But what about him?" the Tokubetsu Jounin asked dumbly, pointing at Naruto. The aged Hokage leaned forward onto his desk and pushed the 'Talk' button on his intercom.

"_Yes, Hokage-Sama?"_ came the voice of the secretary downstairs.

"Have someone go and collect Inuzuka Hana for me." Hiruzen ordered.

"_As you wish, Hokage-Sama."_ the secretary replied before ending the conversation with a mechanical beep.

"Take the next couple of days off, Ebisu." Hiruzen commanded. "Hana will be able to entertain Naruto. You just worry about coming up with new games to play with Naruto…and new routes to get to the park." The younger man blushed heavily, but nodded and bowed respectfully. "You are dismissed, Ebisu." The younger man bowed even deeper before standing up and racing out of Hiruzen's office. Turning to face the grinning blonde, he sighed yet again. "What am I going to do with you, Naruto-Kun?"

"Missions!" the blonde chirped happily.

"No." Hiruzen replied immediately, causing the blonde to sulk, his lower lip quivering. "Why did you drop Ebisu's sunglasses into a toilet?"

"'Cause," the blonde began, still sulking; "he was being mean…" Hiruzen dropped his head and shook it tiredly.

"I need to retire." He said softly.

"Ooh! OOH!" Naruto shouted, jumping up and down, raising his hand excitedly. "Can I be Hokage?"

"No."

"What? Why not?" the blonde demanded.

"Because, Naruto; a Hokage needs to be someone strong-"

"But I am strong!" the blonde interrupted.

"The Hokage also needs to be able to lead the village in times of hardships."

"I can do that!" Naruto declared.

"And, the Hokage can't be insane."

"I'm not insane!" the blonde shouted. "I'm just crazy!" Hiruzen rolled his eyes.

"Being crazy, Naruto, is the exact same thing as being insane." Hiruzen stated. Naruto looked offended.

"Who the hell said I was crazy?" the blonde asked angrily. Again, Hiruzen rolled his eyes. He was about to open his mouth, when the door to his office opened, and Team 8 entered the room.

"Good afternoon, Hokage-Sama." Yuuhi Kurenai greeted as she and her team bowed to the elderly leader respectfully. "We've come to see if there are any more D-Ranked missions available." She and her students stood up straight and waited for the response. Or, would have, had Naruto not jumped over and squatted down in front of Kiba and glared directly into his eyes.

"…So…" he began, his tone low and threatening. "You're the one who's been going around town and telling everyone I'm crazy…"

"What?" Kiba asked, easily intimidated by Naruto. Naruto's hand snaked out and grabbed the puppy on top of his head and then stood up to his full height of 5'8" and glared directly into the puppy's eyes. "Hey! What are you doing to Akamaru!"

"…I'm going to kill you…Slowly…And epically!" He dropped the puppy before jumping back from the Genin team and their sensei and struck an overly dramatic Kung-Fu pose. Kiba, having already been in motion to save his partner from the insane wack-a-doo; caught his puppy and held him close to his chest. "Wu-AAA!"

"Sensei!" Kiba screeched as Naruto leapt forward, bracing himself for impact...

"Hello Naruto-Kun."

…And then opened his eyes once as soon as the new voice filled the room. "Nee-San?" The wild boy didn't see the insane blonde lunging at him anymore. Turning around, he found his older sister gently patting the head of the scary insane blonde man as she would to a puppy who wanted to play. "Nani?"

"Hana-Chan!" Naruto barked out. "Hana-Chan! You're here! Let's play!"

"Okay! Okay!" the brown haired teenager agreed. "But first, what's this I hear about you being mean to Ebisu-San?"

"…He was being mean…" The blonde man replied.

"How so?" Hana asked.

"He wouldn't let me buy any crayons…" Hana stared at him, as did Kurenai and her team, all wondering just how insane the blonde man really was. "So, I stole them!"

"That's not nice, Naruto!" Hana scolded the blonde, who instantly dropped to the floor and hid his head under his arms, making whimpering sounds and shook with fear. "Not to mention illegal!"

"…" the blonde shook even harder. Hana sighed.

"I can't hear you…" the blonde took his left arm off of his head and repeated his earlier comment. "…Well then, that's where we're going first. Come on…" She waited for the blonde lump to move, but when he didn't, she sighed. "Then we can go get some ramen…" in an instant, the blonde was up and on his feet, drooling as he smiled.

"Can I-" he began, but Hana cut him off.

"No, Naruto-Kun; you cannot put any candy in your ramen…" the blonde slumped as the rest of the room's occupants struggled not to puke.

"…Fine…" with that, Hana led the blonde out of the room. Turning back, she looked at the Hokage and rolled her eyes at him, earning a return eye roll from the elderly man. As soon as the door was shut, Kurenai turned to look at her commander and opened her mouth.

"Who the hell was that psycho?" Kiba asked for her.

"That," Hiruzen began slowly; "was the strongest shinobi in our village…"

"…What are you smoking and where can I find some?" Kiba asked, shocking his team. "That guy is the strongest person in the village?" Hiruzen nodded. "What the hell? That guy's insane!"

"I think he knows that, Kiba-San." Shino replied as he pushed his sunglasses up his nose.

"That," Hiruzen began, standing up and facing the window behind his chair. "…is what happens when you survive some of the worst genjutsu known to shinobi kind back to back." He turned to look at Kurenai and continued. "Your sensei has more than likely told you about the hazards about genjutsu. Genjutsu can not only trick you, but hurt you-even kill you." He nodded towards the door. "Naruto was once one of this village's best operatives; right beside Uchiha Itachi; in fact, even stronger than Itachi…But; during a mission, he was captured by a group of S-Ranked nin from several small villages and tortured day and night for nearly a week. The mind can only handle so much before it breaks down."

"I-Is he s-safe to be around?" Hinata asked, her face full of fear. Hiruzen looked at her and sighed.

"Most of the time, yes…" He turned back towards the window and took a deep, calming breath. "…But there are times he gets out of control, or even reverts back to the way he was when he was in Anbu."

"…Why my Nee-Chan?" Kiba asked.

"Because," Hiruzen began, looking at the wild boy before continuing; "he listens to her."

"I saw that, Hokage-Sama." Kiba commented snappishly. "But why?" the elderly Hokage just shrugged his shoulders.

"I don't know." He replied. "I just wish he listened to me and his other minders like he listened to her though. It would certainly be a lot easier to make it through the week without him demanding for a mission left and right…Or stealing and ruining other people's things." He went back to his desk and pulled out a familiar looking scroll and tossed it at Kurenai. "Have fun."

"…That damn cat…"

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><p>So, yeah…Hopefully this will last farther than Kitty did. Then again, this story sort of has a plot…Which is how would the village fare throughout the Canon! Arcs and non-Canon! Arcs(meaning fillers and some of the movies) with an insane Naruto at the helm, rather than a stupid Naruto.<p>

Naruto will still deal with the Akatsuki and Madara; however, it won't be like the Canon!, obviously.

I will be changing things here and there to suit my needs. Don't like it? Too bad. For instance, Naruto; being super strong, has techniques that no one else does, and I think that a few of you will be able to recognize what those are and where I gleamed them from. I'll mention where I got the technique too.

Now, I can't promise speedy updates, nor can I promise long chapters. I'll end a chapter where I feel like ending it, if it isn't long enough to suit _your_ needs; them again, too bad. You'll either have to deal with it. Or, if you can't deal with that and feel like raging at me about chapter size, then go away. I don't need that kind of crap and I don't need you.

So, there you go; as blunt as I can be without swearing at you all.

P.S.: Here's a quick age chart:

Itachi:18  
>Naruto:17<br>Hana:17  
>Rookie Nine(Eight): 11-13<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

The Downside of Power

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><p>Ichiya blinked wildly as he stared at the blonde, human wall with the attractive young woman at his side, Inuzuka if he remembered his Clan's correctly; bowing to him in an overly apologetic manner. The man looked down at his hands, where a large pack of crayons had been deposited by the human wall; though not without a great deal of pushing by the young woman.<p>

"-ry…I won't steal your crayons no more." The blonde stated quietly. Despite being apologized to, Ichiya still had no clue what was going on.

"Uh…Okay?" Was his intelligent reply. The blonde wall looked up at him, his deep blue eyes pleading for something. "Uuh…" the blonde's eyes fell to stare at the large box of crayons in his hands, a longing expression on his face. Ichiya looked up at the young woman and saw her narrowing her gaze at him and shook her head stiffly. Ichiya looked back at the crayons and turned the box over gently. Pulling the large cover tag out of the box, he looked in. Several of the crayons were nothing but stubs and a couple of them were broken. Closing the box he sighed. Looked back at the blonde, he held the box out to him. The blonde quickly grabbed the crayons and then pulled the box back to his chest and hugged them tightly. It was kind of disturbing.

"Naruto-Kun, why don't you go wait by the door while I talk to the nice man, okay?" the young woman asked the blonde nicely, though Ichiya could tell that she was angry at him. The blonde man nodded and quickly retreated back toward the door. Once he was there, he opened the box of crayons and began to whisper to them. A chill ran up Ichiya's spine. He turned back to see the young woman take a step toward him. "I'm trying to teach him that stealing is neither good nor acceptable, and you just gave the box back to him! Why?"

"Well-" Ichiya began fearfully, realizing that the young woman was indeed from the feral Inuzuka Clan. "-he's already used them, a-and some of them are already broken! I-I can't re-sell them like that!" the man gushed. The young woman turned her head and sniffed angrily. She turned around and walked toward the obviously disturbed young man and whispered into his ears. The blonde said something back to her, and she replied. From the varying expressions that the young man's face was contorting into, she was saying something that he didn't like. After what seemed like nearly ten minutes, the two young adults walked over and stood in front of him again, this time; the blonde was smiling brightly at him.

"Hana-Chan says that I have to pay you, Rainbow." Ichiya blinked, once again confused as to what was going on. The blonde dug a hand into one of his pants pockets and fished out an orange bouncy ball and jammed it into Ichiya's right hand. "There you go, Rainbow!" Ichiya stared at the ball and then back at the blonde, who had whirled around, ready to leave; only to find the young woman glaring at him. "What?" he asked. "I paid him just like Hana-Chan said!"

"You didn't pay him, Naruto; you gave him a bouncy ball!" the blonde just blinked. "You have to give him money for the crayons, Naruto!" she stated, clearly exasperated. She grabbed the blonde and forcibly turned him around and pushed him toward the shop keeper. "Now, get Gama-Chan out and pay the man!"

Grumbling lightly, the blonde man dug into his pocket and retrieved a toad shaped wallet. Opening the green, children's wallet; Ichiya's dark eyes grew wide as he saw just how much money the mentally disturbed man had in his wallet. Digging out a single bill, one that; Ichiya noticed, was far too much to accept for the box of crayons, and held it out to him. "I-I don't have enough money to make change for that bill, Sir…" the blonde blinked several times in quick session and cocked his head slightly, like a curious puppy watching it's master do something that it had never seen before. "I can't accept something that large, Sir." He tried again. The blonde frowned and shoved the bill closer to Ichiya's chest. Putting his hands up in a placating gesture, the shop keeper smiled as best he could and shook his head. "No-no! A smaller bill will do!"

"Naruto-" the young woman began, only to be cut off by a frustrated glance from the blonde.

"He doesn't want my money, Hana-Chan…" he complained. "It's because he thinks I'm crazy, isn't it?" the shop keeper's eyes widened in fear. The tone that the blonde had started using was one that instilled fear and promised pain. He took a step back away from the blonde. "Look!" the blonde snapped at the man, his blue eyes now trained at him again; "my money is just as good as yours, so take it already!"

"B-But I-I-I can't! It's too big!" Ichiya stammered. The blonde snarled at him, and Ichiya squealed in fear and backed into a display case, trapping him between the angry, mentally disturbed blonde and the glass case. The young woman tried her best to intervene, but the blonde ignored her. Again, he jammed the bill into Ichiya's face.

"TAKE IT!" he roared. The yell was so powerful, that Ichiya both heard and _felt_ the glass display case behind him, crack.

"L-Look! I can't give you any change for that size bill! It's too bi-" Ichiya never got to finish his sentence. The blonde, no longer waiting for the poor, terrified shop keeper to accept the money from his hands, shoved the bill into his mouth, turned around and stalked toward the door. The Inuzuka bowed to him apologetically before turning around and racing after the blonde, who had shot off like a bat out of hell after stepping outside of his store.

Several moments went by before Ichiya found that he could move his arms. Shakily, he moved his right hand to his mouth and took the bill out of his mouth and held it up to his face. _'F-Fifty-Thousand!'_ the blonde had actually shoved a bill worth fifty-thousand Ryou into his mouth and then ran off as fast as he could with a box of crayons in his possession. His legs gave out and he slid to the floor of his shop.

00oo00

Team Eight was not having a good time, no; not at all. Chasing Tora, the Daimyo's Wife's cat; was like trying to find a single piece of hay in a stack of needles-just as dangerous too. Even with Akamaru and Kiba's noses and heightened hearing, Shino's insects and Hinata's eyes all on the lookout for the demon cat as they trudged through the forests in and around the village; they had only seen the cat maybe once, and that had been nearly an hour ago. All three of the Genin were becoming irate; while their Sensei tried not to pull her hair out in frustration. _'I have no one else to blame but myself…'_ the red eyed beauty told herself as she ducked under a low lying branch. She heard her feral student, Kiba; growling in sync with Akamaru and wished deep down, that the Inuzuka Clan had the ability to talk to cats rather than dogs. _'After all, dogs are easier to bribe. A few pieces of bacon here, some steak there...'_

"Mrrw?" the four humans and one canine stopped in their tracks. Turning her head to look at her only female student, Kurenai gave her a pointed look. Hinata nodded and silently activated her Kekkei Genkai. It took her a few seconds, but she found the fat cat; up in a tree, watching a nest full of baby robins hungrily. Next, Kurenai signaled for Shino to act-and act he did. Commanding his insects, the sunglasses wearing boy's bugs flew silently up toward the fat cat. Several seconds later; a single insect buzzed down and landed on the boy's outstretched finger. It took a second for the bug to inform its living hive that the cat was incapacitated.

"Kiba." He stated quietly. The Inuzuka boy nodded and jumped up into the tree. As he climbed, he mentally reminded himself to thank not only his mother for teaching him how to walk up trees, and walls; but also to thank his older sister and his new sensei for reinforcing the practice. Within moments, he was up to the branch where Shino's beetles had surrounded the petrified cat and nabbed it from the branch; and began to walk down the tree's trunk, Tora safely in his arms. Once he was on the ground, he held the cat up to show his team. His human teammates nodded but Akamaru snarled at the large cat. The cat, still under whatever effect Shino's beetles had applied to it, didn't reply; only moved its eyes and stared at it. Akamaru quickly shut up.

"Well, let's go back." Kurenai stated. Her team nodded and the group turned around and left toward the Hokage Tower.

00oo00

"Ramen-Jiji!" Ichiraku's head cook lifted his head as he heard the unmistakable voice of his best customer. Turning his head, the cook found a large box of crayons less than an inch from his nose.

"Hello, Naruto-Kun." He greeted. "I see you have a large box of crayons with you today; going to be drawing pictures later?" the blonde nodded, pulling the crayons back to his chest and smiling at the cook.

"I'm gonna draw a picture of you, and me, and Ayame-Chan, and Jiji and Hana-Chan! And we're all gonna be swimming in a giant pool full of ramen!" he stated, earning a nod from the chef.

"Naruto!" the frantic, out of breath sounding voice of a young woman earned both Naruto's attention, as well as the cooks. The small flaps that hung down from the edge of the awning were pushed aside and a tall, cute young woman entered the small stand, sweat pouring down her red face. "How many times do I have to tell you not to run off like that?"

"But Hana-Chan said that we could get some ramen after Naruto returned the crayons that Naruto stole from Rainbow! Naruto's belly is empty and Naruto's gonna die soon if Naruto doesn't get any ramen!" the blonde whined, clutching his stomach in pain, small beads of tears rolling down from the corners of his eyes. When his act failed to soften the young woman's glare, the blonde pursed his lips and blinked up at her like a small puppy would when begging for something.

"I deal with puppies all the time, Naruto…Do you really think that I haven't built up immunity to that trick?" she asked in a deadpan tone. The blonde whimpered softly, forcing his body to shake slightly. Hana's right eye twitched, but didn't cave. Pushing himself down off the stool he had been sitting on, Naruto kneeled on the floor and then proceeded to whine louder. The young woman's eyes twitched in irritation, but like the first two times, she didn't cave. "It's not going to work, Naruto." Hana stated, "I am immune to that look, and there's nothing you can do to make me change me wrong." Suddenly, the blonde's eyes widened, and a fearful sensation filled the young woman. Without warning, the blonde grabbed at her legs, effectively pouncing on her, and began to rub his head against her left leg. "G-Gyah!"

_BAM!_

Seconds later, after the scream and the sound of wood connecting with something akin to granite, Ichiraku, who had instinctively closed his eyes when he saw the insane blonde man rub his head against Hana's lower thigh; opened them to find Hana holding a large wooden club, standing over the blonde man's twitching body, her face beat red from embarrassment and anger.

"Ow…" came Naruto's pain filled response to Hana's attack. Looking up at the person who was supposed to be his friend, Naruto sniffled; "Why did Hana-Chan hit Naruto?" he asked.

"Y-You!" Hana began, pointing a finger down at the blonde; "were feeling me up, that's why Naruto!" the blonde blinked once. Then twice. Then thrice…then, cocked his head to his left, his face screwed up in confusion.

"Naruto didn't mean to make Hana-Chan angry…" the blonde trailed off for a second, taking the time to rub his head with a free hand; "…Naruto was just being a Kitty-Kitty…tha's all…And Kitty-Kitties rub their heads on people's legs an' stuff."

"He has a point, you know." Ichiraku stated from behind the counter. Hana glared at him. Holding his hands up in a placating manner, the old chef opened his mouth; "I'm not saying what he did was right, but has he ever really done anything perverted, Hana?" the young woman thought about it for a moment before shaking her head. "Well, okay then." He then looked at the blonde on the ground and motioned for him to stand up. Slowly, the blonde did so. "And you, Naruto-Kun; need to remember not to do that to Hana or anyone ever again, understand?" the blonde thought about it for a second, but soon nodded. "Because if you don't; I won't let you eat any ramen for a month," the blonde's eyes widened fearfully and his lower jaw dropped in shock; "…understand me?" the blonde nodded slowly. "Good…Now," he took a step back and smiled at the blonde and his caretaker; "what'll you have?"

"Ooh! Ooh!" the blonde began, jumping up and down, hands high in the air; "Me! Me! Pick me!"

"…Mmm…" Ichiraku hummed, rubbing his non-existent beard; "…You! Young lady! You're first! What'll you like?"

"Damn it!" the blonde cursed as he stopped jumping up and down and slumped forward, his arms outstretched, reaching toward the ground. "You always pick Hana-Chan over me, Ramen-Jiji…"

"So?" Ichiraku asked. "Is that a problem?" the blonde stood up and nodded furiously, his lips pursed into an angry pout.

"You're supposed to serve me first!"

"Why?" the chef asked, his question was echoed by Hana.

"Because I'm a guy! That's why!" the blonde stated loudly. Hana's lips twitched and Ichiraku's face paled slightly.

"…So?" the ramen chef asked, not sure if he should have or not.

"So?" Naruto nearly stammered. "She's a girl!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Hana asked angrily. Naruto turned to her slowly and with a bland expression, he pointed at her.

"…You're a girl…And everyone knows that girls have cooties, duh!" Hana's mouth dropped slightly. Naruto grinned at her victoriously and went in for the kill; "So that means that Ramen-Jiji should serve me before you! Because you have cooties!"

"Naruto…" Ichiraku began slowly. The blonde looked at him, smiling brightly. "Do you know that cooties are contagious?" the blonde's smile faltered.

"What?" he asked. The chef nodded.

"Oh yes." The chef stated. "In fact, just touching a girl means that you could have been infected with cooties." The blonde's bright blue eyes widened in fear his hands trembling slightly. "And if I remember correctly, you just rubbed your head against her leg…" the blonde's whole body began to shake. "And cooties like to live on girls' legs…Do you know what that means?" the blonde shook his head slowly. The old chef leaned in to whisper to the blonde; _"It means…That you have cooties…"_

"_AAAAHHHH!"_ the blonde shrieked like a pre-pubescent girl, his hand slapping against his face. _"I have cooties! AAH! I'm gonna die!"_ he turned around and made a break for the entrance/exit of the small ramen stand, only to have Hana try to grab his left arm. She missed as the blonde powerhouse jumped away from her. "You gave me the cooties!" he accused her loudly; attracting a great deal of attention from passer-bys, "I thought you were my friend, Hana-Chan!" he faced the exit and ran off, hands held high in the air, waving them like a loon; screaming all the way, _"Run for your lives! Hana-Chan gave me the Cooties! AAAHH! JIJI! HELP ME!"_

"…You know," Hana stated, looking back at the chuckling chef; "I'm going to get in trouble for this."

The chef shrugged, "Meh." He turned around and walked back into the back of stand and picked up a ladle. "So…Before you go…How 'bout some ramen?" Hana thought about it for a moment. Weighing her options, the young woman finally gave in to hunger and sat down. "What'll you have?"

"Beef…Heavy on the beef." The man nodded and proceeded to cook the young woman's order. "By the way…Where's Ayame?"

"Oh, she has the day off." The man stated from behind the dividing wall. "Met a girl 'round her age a few days ago, hit it off real good. I thought that she should have a day off to hang out with her new friend, so I gave her the day off." Hana nodded.

"…Aren't you going to need help later?" the man shrugged.

"I can handle it." He stated.

"Okay…If you say so." Hana replied with a small shrug of her shoulders.

00oo00

"Congratulations on a job well done, Kurenai." The Sandaime stated, praising her and her team. "You have the fastest time in collecting Tora." The three Genin looked at each other before smiling…Or, in Shino's case, staring; while Akamaru yipped loudly.

"Thank you, Hokage-Sam-" the red eyed woman was cut off as the doors to the Hokage's office exploded inwardly. Splinters were sent everywhere. Not sure about what was happening, the three Genin, Akamaru and Kurenai all dug out their weapons; or in Akamaru's case, bared his small fangs.

"_JIJI!"_ came a frantic yell. The cloud of sawdust and splinters warped behind an invisible force; pulling them toward the Hokage's position. _"JIJI!"_ turning their heads toward the sound of the frantic yell, Team Eight found themselves staring at the blonde loony who had tried to kill Akamaru earlier that morning.

"Naruto?" The Sandaime asked, confused about the blonde's frantic screams. "What's wrong?"

The blonde's lips were quivering and his body was shaking; but the blonde managed to open his mouth, "I'm gonna die!"

"What?" the Sandaime barked. The insane blonde nodded his head rapidly.

"Hana-Chan! She's supposed to be my friend! But she has cooties! And Ramen-Jiji told me that cooties are contagious! Now I've got the cooties and now I'm gonna die!" Thick lines of liquid streamed down from the blonde's face. Unsure of what to do or say, the Sandaime gently placed a hand on top of the blonde's head.

"Calm down, Naruto-Kun…You're not going to die from cooties." The elderly man told him. The blonde sniffled loudly, which resounded a tractor-trailer's horn blaring; which startled everyone in the room, Hiruzen included.

"Y-You mean it?" the blonde asked.

Hiruzen nodded. "Of course, Naruto-Kun…Everyone knows that cooties can't kill you."

"Really?"

"Really."

"So I have nothing to worry about? And I can go and eat ramen at Ramen-Jiji's?" the blonde asked. Hiruzen nodded. "Are you sure that cooties can't kill me? I got bunches of them."

"And how did you get bunches of cooties?" Hiruzen asked.

"I rubbed my head against Hana-Chan's leg like a Kitty-Kitty…"

"…You did _WHAT TO MY NEE-CHAN?"_ Kiba roared. Naruto turned his head and looked at him.

"…I rubbed my head against her leg…" Kiba went to say something, but the blonde cut him off; "But don't do it! Or else you'll get bunches of cooties! Ramen-Jiji says that they live on girls' legs!" Ignoring the boy's onslaught of curses, the blonde turned back to the Hokage. "Are you sure?"

"For the last time, Naruto-Kun; I am one-hundred percent sure that cooties can't kill you." The blonde considered the man's words for a moment before nodding. "Cooties can do a lot of things, but they can't kill you."

"…What kind of things?" Naruto asked.

"Oh…Just this and that…Nothing to really worry about, Naruto-Kun." The Sandaime stated, smiling at the blonde, an embarrassed blush on his face. "Now you go on and get some lunch, okay?" the blonde nodded and turned toward the doors. After he left, Hiruzen sighed and slumped into his chair. "Thank Kami." He looked back at Team Eight, only to realize that during the commotion, Tora had managed to slip away. "…Team Eight…I'm sorry to say this, but it seems that Tora managed to worm his way out during the commotion." The team blinked once in unison as realization dawned upon them. "Go on…"

00oo00  
>Omake<br>00oo00

"Calm down, Naruto-Kun…You're not going to die from cooties." The elderly man told him. The blonde sniffled loudly, which resounded a tractor-trailer's horn blaring; which startled everyone in the room, Hiruzen included.

"Y-You mean it?" the blonde asked.

Hiruzen nodded. "Of course, Naruto-Kun…Everyone knows that cooties can't kill you."

"Really?"

Hiruzen thought about it for a moment. "Well, I suppose that cooties can lead to pregnancy and later on; children, but they can't kill you."

"…So…Hana's cooties are going to get me pregnant and make me have a baby?" the blonde asked. Hiruzen started to nod his head, but quickly caught himself…

"No! Wait!" he shouted, but his shout fell on deaf ears, as Naruto had already started to stare at his stomach curiously.

"…Wow…I'm gonna have a baby Hanaruto…Won't Hana-Chan be surprised when I tell her?" the blonde quickly whirled around and raced out of the Sandaime's office, heading back to Ichiraku's, leaving four mentally scared ninja, and one blushing Genin.

'_I-I wonder if I could get Kiba-Kun p-p-p-pregnant…'_ Hinata wondered. She looked at the boy in front of her and blushed harder.

"Uh…Hinata-Chan?" Kiba asked, his tone confused. Hinata reached out toward him. Then, with the sped of a bolt of lightning, she grabbed his head and shoved it down toward her legs; only for Kurenai to stop the action.

"Hinata!"

00oo00

"Hana-Chan!" Hana looked over her shoulder, her mouth full of beef and noodles; looking for her wayward charge. He sped over to her and grabbed her by her midsection and squeezed hard; forcing her mouthful of food to fly from her mouth, landing all over Ichiraku.

"Gah! Naruto!" she yelled. "What's the meaning of this?"

"I'm so happy!" he stated, letting her go and staring deeply into her eyes. "Your cooties got me pregnant! We're going to have a baby Hanaruto!" the young woman's eyes bugged out and her face turned slightly green…So did Teuchi's. "We're gonna be so happy together, Hana-Chan! You! Me and the baby Hanaruto!"

"B-B-But! Cooties don't get you pregnant!" she stammered. Naruto just clapped a hand against her back.

"Jiji said that cooties can get people pregnant, Hana-Chan; and since he's super-duper smart, we should listen to him!" Hana pushed away from him.

"T-That's not how people get pregnant and have babies, Naruto!" she said. "First of all, girls can't get boy's pregnant!" the blonde blinked in confusion, his smile faded. "Only girls can become pregnant! And to do that-" Naruto's eyes widened in anticipation; "-a boy and a girl need to sleep together and the boy has to give his cooties to the girl! That's how girls get pregnant!"

"…So…To make a baby Hanaruto, we have to sleep together?" Hana nodded, not registering what the blonde meant. "And we have to rub on each other?" Hana nodded again. Suddenly, Hana found herself being scooped up bridal style; and carried away from the stand.

"N-Naruto?" Hana screeched. "What are you doing?"

"We're gonna go take a nap!" the insane blonde chirped happily. "I want to make a baby Hanaruto!" Hana's face flushed.

"NO!" Hana screamed, "Put me down!"

End

* * *

><p>Okay, so I was supposed to be asleep about an hour ago; so I'll keep this short and sweet:<p>

Thank you all for reading and to those who reviewed or who review.

I don't know when I'll update next, seeing as I found work(orientation in the morning, so yeah…I should already be sleeping.)

Ja!


	3. Chapter 3

The Downside of Power

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><p>"There is only one way out of this cycle of chaos, Hiruzen!" The Daimyo hollered at the Hokage, who held his head low as the lord of Hi no Kuni yelled at him; not out of fear of the man or his powers as Daimyo, but because the man's breath smelled like a mixture of onions and cow manure. "That over grown Brat assaulted my beautiful wife and you let him get away with it!" The 'Brat' in question, was none other and Uzumaki Naruto; who was currently sitting on a wooden bench that had been brought in by Team 8, who also sat on the bench; albeit, as far away from the insane man as they could.<p>

"What do you want me to do to him? Spank him and tell him that what he did was wrong like a five year old who was caught kicking a classmate?" The Sandaime asked slowly, still trying to avoid the man's horrible breath as he spoke.

"The Brat has too much energy!" Daimyo proclaimed, turning his head to glare at the overgrown man-child. "Give him something to do with it! Put it to good use!" He rounded on Hiruzen once more. "In fact, on my way up here; I overheard that the Hatake boy and his squad could use some help…Send him to help them!"

"I can't send a mentally unstable man out into the field!" Hiruzen barked back as he jumped to his feet, startling everyone in the room save for the blonde in question; who had turned to trying to stick the tip of his tongue to the tip of his nose, eyes crossing as he tried it.

"It's either that, or I order you-that's right, I order _you_ to go search for my wife's cat every time she gets free for the next month!"

Sitting down instantly, Hiruzen started going over just how many times the miniature demon had managed to escape over the last month…His total left his lower jaw hanging. Turning to the blonde, who was still trying to lick the tip of his nose; grossing the Hyuuga heiress out, and gaining a follower in the form of Akamaru's pet, Kiba. "Naruto!" He barked out loudly, shaking the blonde from his current activity. "I have a mission for you to do!"

For a split second, it looked as if the boy's Father had come back to life when a streak of yellow filled his vision as the blonde stood in front of him, beside the Daimyo; at attention…tongue still reaching for his nose. "'esh 'okage-Shama!"

"Stick your tongue back in your mouth, boy!" The Sandaime commanded. Naruto complied instantly. "Hatake Kakashi and his Genin team, Team Seven; are currently on a mission in Nami no Kuni; helping a bridge builder named Tazuna out. It was supposed to be a C-Ranked mission, but apparently the client lied about it and the mission has become an A-Ranked mission instead. Since the Daimyo is threatening me with chasing down his Wife's cat, Tora for the next month-because you slapped her when she said hello to you yesterday-I'm sending you to be Team Seven's reinforcement. Understood?" Snapping to attention, the blonde bowed respectfully, shocking all within the room; and accepted the mission.

"H-Hokage-Sama!" Kurenai stammered, throwing herself into the conversation; earning the attention of all three men at the desk. Blushing from embarrassment, the raven haired woman continued; "Do you think that this is a smart thing to do? I mean, he can't even wander through the village without getting sidetracked by a box of crayons! What's going to happen if he sees a chipmunk or a squirrel or a rabbit?"

Furrowing his eyebrows in thought, the Sandaime mentally berated himself. He hadn't thought of that. _'I could always ask Ebisu to go with him…But then again, Naruto has already told me that he _will_ run away from him if he has to watch over him anymore...And Hana is out on a mission of her own…'_

Opening his mouth, Hiruzen made to form words but was cut off by the Daimyo. "Well, you and your team can go and keep an eye on him then."

"S-Sorry, Daimyo-Sama…" Hinata stuttered, catching the man's attention; "I-I can't go t-to Nami…My family is having a s-s-special clan event tomorrow…I h-have to be there…"

The Daimyo frowned at the shy girl but didn't say anything. Instead, he turned to the Hokage and held out his hand. "I want to see your roster. I want to see who is in the village and who isn't." Grumbling slightly, Hiruzen opened the top right hand drawer of his desk and dug around for the roster. Pulling it out of the drawer, the Hokage handed the list to the Daimyo, who snatched it away and brought it to his face. The man spent maybe thirty seconds looking over the list before slapping the list down on his desk and pointing toward a single name. "Her."

"…That's…Well," Hiruzen trailed off, trying to remember if Naruto had ever met the woman that the Daimyo had pointed out before. Not being able to recollect if they had, he frowned but nodded nonetheless. "I guess it could work…" Bringing a hand over to his intercom, Hiruzen depressed the button.

"_Hokage-Sama?"_

"Bring me Mitarashi Anko as soon as possible. I have a mission for her." From her position on the bench with her team, Kurenai lowered her head and began to shake it back and forth slowly.

-o-

With a yawn that had already broken apart her lips, Anko greeted both the Hokage and the Daimyo in a manner that, if one didn't know the purple haired woman; would be considered exceedingly rude. Fortunately, Hiruzen already knew about the young, purple haired woman. He knew about her habits. She loved dango almost as much as his grandson, Konohamaru; loved to try and sneak cookies when he thought that no one was looking. She liked to wear as little clothing as possible. In her own words; _"It's like being free…without giving everyone in the world a free show. No. If they want a show, well; a show that doesn't end with them on the ground, holding their junk in pain; then they have to pay for it."_ She also had a problem with manners. But, then again; he knew all about her. Including her less than grandiose history.

Unfortunately, the Daimyo didn't know anything about her…Save for her name and her gender. In fact, form the very moment the purple haired woman entered his office, Hiruzen noticed; out of the corner of his aged eyes; that the Daimyo had flushed slightly…as well as adjusted his position.

Anko's everyday outfit had struck once again, it seemed.

Sighing to himself, seeing the purple haired woman finish her yawn; Hiruzen steeled himself for the headache that was undoubtedly going to follow the impromptu meeting with the purple haired woman.

"Mitarashi Anko." He began, ignoring the woman as she thrust her chest out toward him as she tried to stretch her back slightly. The Daimyo, however; did not…Or, more than likely; _could_ not do the same. "I hope today has greeted you kindly."

"…Not yet." The woman responded tiredly. She leveled a bleary glare at him, her brown eyes struggling to stay open. "But when it does, I'll be sure to let you know." She added. Another yawn escaped her lips loudly. "So…Why'd you need to see me so early…and so hastily?"

"An issue has come up with a Genin team on their first C-Ranked mission." Hiruzen began immediately. Anko's brown eyes opened further by a fraction of a millimeter…or so it seemed, but it was noticeable. "We-ah, myself and our esteemed Daimyo here;" Hiruzen made a sideways gesture with his hat topped head toward the Daimyo, who, at the mentioning of his title; snapped out of his semi-lecherous gaze that had been directed at the purple haired woman; "decided to send someone as back-up."

"Me?" She asked, earning a half nod from the Hokage. "A half nod…You mean I wasn't your first choice?" She pondered.

"Originally, Mitarashi-San; you weren't a choice at all." The Daimyo began before Hiruzen could answer her question. "The one I want him to send apparently needs a 'guardian' in order to even leave his own apartment."

"Who? Gai?" Anko joked, a tired grin plastered on her face. The Daimyo shook his head. As the regal man shook his head, an inkling sensation wriggled up her spine. Less than a second after the sensation started; her brown eyes opened fully, all signs of fatigue gone as she opened her mouth again, this time with a new and far more accurate response; "…N…Naruto?"

"As the Daimyo has ordered…" Hiruzen stated with a sigh.

"You will deliver Uzumaki-San to Nami no Kuni so that he may aid the struggling Genin team and their Sensei and then; once their mission is complete; you are to deliver him back here. Understand?" The Daimyo instructed.

Anko laughed. It wasn't a happy laugh. It was a laugh of dread…Possibly hoping that the regal man was joking. Playing a trick. A prank…A look to the Hokage and a quick scan of his facial features quickly squashed that tiny, nigh existent shred of hope. Her mouth twisted as she took an aggressive step toward the two men, her right hand lashing out for her heart, hitting the rough, worn leather that covered her fish-net top and her left breast before coming to a forced stop. "You can't be serious!"

"I assure you, Mitarashi-San; I am." The Daimyo stated sternly.

"I'm not talking to you, you overgrown rooster!" The purple haired Tokubetsu Jounin snapped, her words visibly shocking the ruler of the land. Her brown eyes met aged coal black. "You can't be serious! You know I can't stand that kid!"

"Anko." Hiruzen began, a hand held out in front of him, silently asking for her to stop her tirade. "I understand you can't stand him. Believe me, over the last couple of days, there are a shrinking number of us in the village that can…However; this is out of my hands. Our Daimyo has asked it of me, and I cannot refuse him."

"But why me?!" She pleaded. "Why not send Gai with him?! They get along well enough!"

"The last time Naruto and Gai did anything together, it ended with Naruto going around the village trying to give people hugs, whether or not they wanted them, screaming at the top of his lungs that he would give them eternal youth. Three people thought that he was trying to squeeze them to death, one elderly man believed him, then; later after realizing that he hadn't regained his youth; tried to sue him, and one woman became blind from the sunlight that bounced off of his teeth, and walked into an oncoming merchant cart and had broke her foot as the cart rolled over her left foot." Hiruzen explained dryly. "It would be a frosty day in Hell before I had Gai deal with Naruto ever again."

"…Plus, I think the people of Nami no Kuni would look elsewhere for aid should something like that happen within their village." The Daimyo added.

"Then why send the Man-Child at all?" Anko quipped hotly.

"Because," Hiruzen started; "Hatake Kakashi's team has been met with an A-Ranked Nuke-Nin, fought him to a standstill; has a civilian born kunoichi, the last member of the Uchiha clan and a Tree-Toe to watch over." He paused for a moment before continuing. "…Plus…The Daimyo is forcing me to send him."

"Again…Why?"

"…"

"I didn't catch that, Hokage-Sama." Anko stated, her eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Rare were the times when the Hokage muttered his reasons for doing anything to anyone.

"…"

"Still didn't catch that."

"…Late yesterday, Naruto slapped the Daimyo's wife, Madam Shijimi when she greeted him…" Anko blinked. Then she blinked again. And then a third time.

Soon, a snigger rose into the air.

The Daimyo narrowed his gaze at her. "You find someone else to fill her spot on this mission, Hiruzen; and you'll be fetching my wife's cat for a month, in your underwear!" He growled.

Paling, Hiruzen straightened in his seat at the threat and glared harshly at the purple haired woman, who had, by now; stopped sniggering and openly gawked at the regal man. "Mitarashi Anko…For insulting the Madam Shijimi and, by proxy; her husband, our greatly respected and highly intelligent Daimyo;" the scowl on said man's face faded and was quickly replaced with a smile as Hiruzen praised him, "I'm herby forced to punish you. As of this moment, you are to collect a one, Uzumaki Naruto; make sure that both he, and yourself; make it to Nami no Kuni, find Team 7; aid them in whatever needs to be done-with as minimal emotional and physical scarring as possible-and then return to the village with Uzumaki Naruto in hand. Do I make myself clear?"

Standing, or rather; hunched over slightly, in front of both the Hokage and the Daimyo; Anko openly gapped at the aged Hokage in shocked silence.

"You have half an hour to gather your things, Mitarashi-San. Your charge has already gathered his things for the mission and will be waiting for you back here. You are dismissed."

END

* * *

><p>So…It has quite been a while since I last updated this story…hasn't it? A little over three years now. I could apologize for that…but I'm not going to. I can't really apologize for titanic writers block…Nor can I apologize for losing most of my muses due to high amounts of stress nor can I apologize for just not wanting to write at all…So, I'm not going to. Life happens, just have to try and deal with it.<p>

Anyway, this chapter is fairly short…Or, at least I think it is…I'm trying not to judge it on length considering that most of it was written nearly a year and a half ago…I think…Excuse me…More than two years ago. I just felt like it was time to set this chapter up…So, as usual; if you liked it, that's awesome. If you didn't…And remember, if you want to review; go ahead. If you don't, then don't. It's up to you.


	4. Chapter 4

The Downside of Power

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><p>Anko sighed dejectedly as she found the blonde haired menace she would be 'guarding' to and from Nami no Kuni; skip over to her, a large smile plastered over his tanned, whiskered face; his eyes closed to the world as he moved across the land. <em>'I wonder if the Hokage would have been able to find someone else had I not laughed at the Daimyo's wife…'<em> It was a thought that had been playing through her mind for the last twenty minutes or so since she had left the Hokage's office with her orders. She didn't hate the grossly overweight woman. She was nice…so long as she had her cat in her arms. However, since most of the time her cat; Tora, managed to worm her way out of her arms-not that Anko blamed the animal in the slightest-Madam Shijimi wasn't exactly in a 'chatty' mood. Still, she wasn't a bad person. She had never bad mouthed her like some of her colleagues had. Still, she had no one else to blame; barring the blonde demon-in-human-skin who was nearly to her location, his excitement audible as he giggled with every springing leap. Had Madam Shijimi not greeted the blonde buffoon, the blonde buffoon wouldn't have slapped her…And if he hadn't slapped her, then she wouldn't have been woken up early after a long night's worth of work; only to be given an invisible leash over one of Konoha's former, single most adept shinobi.

Letting a sigh leave her lips, Anko braced herself for the blonde Man-Child.

She didn't like him. Never did.

She had met him when he was relatively young. Of course, being a good six or so years older than him; she didn't see too much of the blonde after she had become apprenticed to Orochimaru. However, the few times she had met him, like when her sensei had visited the academy and had toted her along with him as an aide; she remembered him sitting in the back of the class, seemingly not paying any attention to her old mentor. It had irritated her. How could someone be in the presence of such a legend and not care? Every other kid in the class had their eyes glued to the man…but the blonde? Nope.

She had called him out on it. Loudly. It had earned her an amused glance from her old sensei, but he hadn't said anything. The blonde, who had been looking longingly out the window during her old sensei's lecture; had turned only his eyes toward her for a few, split seconds; before returning to look out the window, ignoring her.

She called him out again, only that time by stomping over to his seat, all the while growling out how she was going to beat him black and blue if he didn't pay attention and stop wasting her sensei's time. She had barely grabbed the back of his shirt, a white one with a large red swirl on it; similar to the Chuunin vests worn by Chuunin ranked shinobi and above…Well, for the most part. She knew a few who didn't wear their vest, but most Chuunin and higher ranked ninja wore theirs. Either way, the moment she grabbed his shirt and begun lifting the blonde up out of his seat, itching simply to scare the blonde by hoisting him up so that she could glare deeply into his ocean blue eyes; the blonde's response was to reach up and grab her arm with both his left and right hands. Once done, the boy added just enough pressure to rub his hands over her arm, and then moved his hands back and forth rapidly for two seconds…

She dropped him, instantly. Cradling her right forearm against her body, she stumbled back from the six year old, her eyes wavering and watering from the sheer burning sensation he had created by giving her an insanely quick, and powerful; Indian Burn(1). She had tried to regain her senses, to regain her posture and salvage some of her dignity as she quickly walked back toward her sensei; who simply looked intrigued; if the man's then seemingly harmless smile had anything to say of the situation.

After that day, she didn't see the boy for another couple of years. Her falling out with the village after her sensei and his sick experiments and her inability to recall any of his bases for life of her; nor what she had done outside of the village…and of course, her…_gift…_had taken most of her energy and time. However, it was a memory that always floated to the forefront of her mind when she returned from a high level C-Rank mission with her substitute teammates; a mission that had taken roughly three months to complete; when she found a blonde haired kid, not even a pre-teen; wearing a Chuunin vest, standing next to another not yet pre-teen with black hair; also wearing a Chuunin vest.

It irked her to no end.

How had a blonde haired brat with an attitude problem and his stoic, obviously Uchiha friend reach Chuunin at an age earlier than she had? Kakashi had done it…But then again, considering who his father had been and his mentor; it wasn't of any real question how he graduated so quickly. And to some extent, the Uchiha's own heritage answered the questions regarding him…But the blonde? Some orphaned nobody? Some orphaned nobody who didn't listen in class, become a Chuunin at the age of nine?

Luckily she had been burnt out from her mission…Or else there would have been a public challenge of skills…And thankfully…There hadn't been.

She watched and listened, from the shadows of course; how both the blonde haired kid and the Uchiha rose through the ranks in their village. Both becoming Anbu at ridiculous ages and both being nominated for Capitan rank by their twelfth and thirteenth year of life. However, in a move that surprised everyone, the Uchiha included, from the look that had broken out over his normally stoic, rock hard face; the blonde not only refused the promotion, but left Anbu shortly after being nominated.

Maybe that was one of the biggest reasons why the blonde grated on her nerves? He had been given something at such a young age and he had refused to accept it. So many others would have grabbed said opportunity, like the Uchiha did. She would have. However, rather than that; he left Anbu and decided that it was time to rejoin mainstream society. So, after a few weeks of talking with the Hokage and his advisors; the blonde got moved onto a Genin team, at first to help them out on missions outside the village. Then, after the team passed the Chuunin exams; something the blonde had to miss since he had already obtained said rank; he replaced one of the original teammates, who opted to remove himself from the team element and apprentice at the Torture and Intelligence building.

From there, the blonde's reputation escalated rapidly. By the time he turned fifteen, he was already in the Bingo Book as a B-Ranked ninja with a cautionary warning next to his name and a hefty bounty of 650,000 Ryo. By the time he was sixteen, he had jumped from B-Rank, to A-Rank and his bounty had doubled.

He was strong, fast and knew many, many powerful jutsu…And he had the power to use them all…Over and over again, if needed. He wasn't stupid either. Not the smartest person in the world, no; but far from stupid.

However, after obtaining the rank of Jounin; something she herself had still yet to achieve as a twenty-four year old veteran of Konohagakure's shinobi forces; he had opted to take an S-Rank mission to Kumogakure, to 'smooth' some rough edges over with the current Raikage; when he got jumped by several immensely powerful shinobi.

She had heard the details of what the medical staff went through with him. Several Yamanaka had been brought into the hospital room to deal with the chaotic dribble that the blonde had been spewing ever since a group of Hunter-Nin found him lying on the floor of a cave a good thirty miles west of Hi no Kuni's west most border.

Whoever had jumped him had done irreparable damage to his mind…and his sanity. Not even the beast that had been sealed within him could repair the damages caused to his mind. It had taken days to get him to stop babbling, and when they team in charge of him finally managed to get him to shut up…The blonde ended up in a coma for nearly a month.

For a while, just about everyone who had heard about the attack; thought him to become nothing more than a vegetable, someone who's spirit had gone on to the afterlife, leaving his body behind; living as nothing more than an unthinking, non-moving; though still living husk of a human.

But, obviously he had woken…And for the first couple of days, he seemed almost fine…However, that hope quickly disappeared as he began speaking about himself, to himself. Wanting the most childish of things, like crayons…And wooden blocks. He, the one time she had stopped in to see him; though it was mainly to see if the stories of his insanity were true or not; asked her if she wanted to play the 'Armpit Fart' game that he had made up over night.

At one point in time, she had held a tiny bit of respect for the blonde. He had served the village faithfully without fail. Now, however; all he reminded her of was failure.

He was a failure. He had failed his mission to the village. His seemingly un-surmountable strength had given out and he had succumbed to the tricks and machinations of his enemies. Everything about the blonde reminded her of failure…And what was worse…was the fact that he reminded her of herself. Her own failings.

…Of how she was also a failure, just like him.

Anko, who had slipped deep into thought as the sight of the giggling blonde Man-Child, as she called him; stopped skipping a few feet in front of her before waving brightly at her…For three minutes. It wasn't until a small gnat flew into her ear did the purple haired woman react to anything…And when she did, it was with a heavy hand slamming into left side of her head, trying to cease the annoyance caused by the tiny insect that had decided to investigate her ear.

"…Ouch…" She moaned softly as she removed her hand from her head.

"...You trying to shut the voices in your head, up too?" The unmistakable voice of her second least favorite person in the entire world shook her from her momentary pain as her brown eyes locked with ocean blue as Naruto-the-Man-Child leaned toward her to investigate what was going on with her.

"…Why are you so close to me?" She asked, her tone loud and hot; embarrassed that the blonde psycho had somehow gotten so close to her without her knowledge.

Naruto leaned back from her. "Well," he began, taking a deep breath; "you were just standing there, so Naruto thought that maybe you weren't feeling well. Hana-Chan does that a lot when I see her."

'_I can only imagine why…She's probably trying to see which is less painful…Killing herself or dealing with you.'_ The brown eyed kunoichi told herself. Shaking her head slightly, which earned a confused look from the blonde in front of her; Anko decided to forgo trying to figure the blonde out…Or why his secondary handler hadn't killed herself yet…Or defected. "Are you all packed?" She asked.

"Yep!" Naruto chirped loudly. "Naruto is all set and ready to kick some ass!"

Despite her dislike for the blonde nutcase, a smile wormed its way onto her face as the words floated into her ears. "Alright then! Let's go save ourselves some cute, little Genin and they're entirely too stupid to see to reason, sensei!"

"Yosh!" Naruto cheered, pumping his right fist high in to the air.

"Let's go!" Anko commanded as she spun around on her heels and began making her way toward the large, green painted gate in front of them.

…

…

…

"OUCH!"

Birds flew from their resting places in the trees that had been either left to grow alongside the road leading into the village, as a feminine scream of pain filled the air.

Holding her butt firmly, Anko whirled around and glared scornfully at the blonde, who; for a few scant moments, had been following her orders.

"What the fuck was that for?!" She barked, her teeth bared and her brown eyes aglow with anger.

"…Well…" Naruto began, his face awash with a slight red hue as he looked at anything other than the enraged purple haired woman in front of him. "Naruto said that he is all set and ready to kick some ass…"

"Yes…" Anko snapped. "I know what you said! But why mine?! That hurt!"

"…It was the only ass around to kick…And Naruto really, _really_ wanted to kick one."

"THEN KICK YOUR OWN!" She roared.

"…You sure?" He asked, taken back by the purple haired woman's anger. She nodded. "Okay then…" Brining his hands together in a cross shaped seal, without any words leaving his lips whatsoever; a single, solitary clone appeared next to him. Turning to it, Naruto pouted. "Sneaky-Snake wants Naruto to kick Naruto's ass…"

"…Why?"

"Because Naruto kicked her ass…"

"…Why?"

"Because Naruto really, _really_ wanted to kick some ass…And hers was the only one around to kick…So Naruto kicked it."

"…Oh...Uh…Okay. I guess so…" The clone responded haltingly. Turning from the original, the clone eyed Anko for a split moment. "How hard do I have to kick him?"

"As hard as he kicked me!" She snapped.

The clone nodded before turning back to look at his creator. "How hard did you kick her?"

"I dunno…" Naruto stated, bringing a hand to his chin, thinking about the question. "…But if Naruto would have to guess, Naruto probably kicked her about as hard as Naruto kicked Puppy-Puppy."

"…Wait a minute." Anko interrupted, taking a step toward the two blondes, who both turned to look at her. "You've kicked a puppy before?" She asked, her eyes practically glowing with hatred.

"What my creator is referring to, Miss…" The clone began, stopping in a manner that would normally end with having Anko tell the clone her name. When she didn't supply it; the clone continued with his explanation. "What my creator is referring to; is an instance when he was young; and mentally correct, and had a run in with a rabid wolf in the countryside near Kumoagakure…" The clone trailed off as it thought about how much strength was behind the kick that dealt with the wolf. "…If I remember correctly, that wolf flew a good twenty feet or so…" Nodding to itself, the clone walked behind its creator and grabbed him by the shoulders. Forcibly adjusting the blonde in front of it; the clone made a face before nodding. "Well, have a good trip; Naruto. It was fun while it lasted…"

With a grunt of effort, the clone snapped its right leg up as fast as it could, its foot burying itself in Naruto's rear for a split second, before Naruto took off like a rocket, up through the air, and out of the large gates, accompanied by a shrill, girlish scream.

Watching the scene play out in front of her, Anko looked at the blonde clone in front of her fearfully. Clones, at least the physical variety; were always weaker than the person who created them. For a clone to kick its creator with enough strength to send them flying…

…Then and there; in the back of her mind, Anko warned herself. She never wanted to be on the receiving end of the blonde's kicks…ever.

"Good enough of a kick for ya?" The clone asked as it eyed the purple haired kunoichi. Anko nodded dumbly. "…So…" The clone continued, shifting its weight slightly as it took her in. "…Now that the original's gone…Want to go back to my place? Er, I mean; his place?"

Eyes as wide as they could be, Anko kept herself from vomiting as she lashed out at the clone with a left handed punch; catching the clone off guard and dispelling it before it had a chance to even change its expression.

'…_Eew…'_ The mentally screamed as she gagged. _'So gross!'_

Taking a few moments to collect herself, and to keep her quick mid-day breakfast from coming up; Anko's eyes widened once more as the thought of the original blonde terror flying through the air turning into a wild goose chase in the forests that stretched most of the way to the Nami no Kuni, Hi no Kuni border. With fear of losing her charge and the penalties that would undoubtedly come along with it; Anko set off after the blonde like as fast as she could.

'_I'm going to strangle the Daimyo once I get back!'_

END

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><p>Okay…A bit of history for Anko…And I hope it's not too hard to follow. I started off strong, and then found myself starting to fall asleep half way through(been really tired for the last few days for some reason.) Oh well. Next chapter will hopefully have more humor and more fun times with Naruto.<p>

1. An Indian Burn is something that the kids in my elementary school used to do to one another. It consists of grabbing someone's forearm with your hands and then rapidly rubbing it in an aggressive manner, inflicting a burning sensation to the area rubbed.

Thanks for reading.


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